The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
