i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
is that a dick in a sweater?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize