i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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