i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just google imaged poop.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
