I cannot find my penis.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
