Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize