This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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