you have to choose: penises or morals?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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