420 ftw
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
