Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
