you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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