So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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