She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
