My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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