Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
