why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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