Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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