A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
