We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
