Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
