i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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