haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
