if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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