Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
