So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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