my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
