Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want nice things and good sex
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
