So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
