I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
