No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
