chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
