$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
