i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
