At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
