I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
