You're so nebulous sometimes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
