Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
