come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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