if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize