He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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