I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
