I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
