True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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