If i come over, it means nothing
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
