I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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