I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
