Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
