I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i came on her dog
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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