Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
