I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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