I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
