There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
