I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
