Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
