My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
