Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
