omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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