oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
