new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
