Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Panties = found
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
