You're my little dorito
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
