I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize