she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
