how can u be prego again
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
