The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
